Wednesday, 25 July 2012

What feels different when you're married?

I was asked this question on Saturday night after several alcoholic beverages and some crazy wedding dancing and realised just how bad I am at explaining things.

It was my sister-in-law's partner doing the asking and the conversation left  me with a nasty taste in my mouth and the sudden urge to punch him (nothing new there then). I wasn't exactly in the right state of mind to be answering such deep and meaningful questions...

Him: Elle, what exactly feels different about being married?
Me: Well, it's a number of things but a very individualistic sort of thing I think.
Him: Yeah but what is it for you?
Me: Well, I feel a lot more sort of secure in myself now...
Him: Oh, well, we have financial security already so I suppose that's that... We have a Death Loan we do, yeah, a mortgage. We don't need to get married.

At this point my sister-in-law grows quieter still.

Him: Yeah marriage is all pretty pointless really.

That was the moment I wanted to smack him. Talk about getting railroaded in a conversation! And the fact that by "secure" he actually thought I meant in a financial sense! That was just downright offensive.

So, here is my official answer:

Being married takes everything in a relationship to a new level, not just the good stuff either. You think you can't love anyone more than you already do?? You're wrong, you can. Trust? There's loads more of that too. A deeper understanding of each other. Yes. The absolute certainty inside of you that no matter how bad things get, you'll have someone to cling on to. You look at each other differently, like you can see each others souls. Sam knows me better now than in the 6 years we were together before being married. The security I was talking about has nothing to do with money and more to do with knowing above all else he'll love me until the end of days. Even on the days when loving me will be the hardest thing he has to do. It's a different level of compromise altogether because you find yourself thinking less about yourself and more for the greater good of the unit you have become. And the level support between you becomes this epic foundation to a life of greater achievements that before you could only dream of.

You can tell me you have this with your partner because you live together, or because you've been together for years or even because you just feel like that. But marriage makes a difference. It wouldn't exist if it truly didn't have a purpose, a greater good.
Marriage isn't for everyone but I always knew it was for me, luckily Sam loved me enough to change his way of thinking (he also wasn't a huge fan of marriage) and he married me.


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